Turn Wedding Blues into a Day of Wedding Bliss
It Starts with an Invitation
You have been invited to a wedding! You should be happy, right? Don’t worry if a wedding invitation makes you more overwhelmed than excited. This is true for many people!
RSVP as soon as you can. People planning a wedding appreciate knowing how many people will attend because this number is required for ordering food, tables, etc.
Usually the RSVP card is self-explanatory. It usually indicates whether or not you can attend, how many guests will come from your party (if you are single this one is simple), and what you would like to eat if it is catered and not buffet style.
If more than one person from your party is going, you just write the number of each meal type on the little line next to the option.
IMPORTANT: only bring a guest if specifically indicated to do so on the invitation. It will say something like, “you and a guest are invited…”
If you do get to bring a guest, it is perfectly acceptable to bring a “date” that is simply a friend. If there is not someone you would like to bring to such an event, you do not need to bring a date. It is just a kind opportunity provided by the guests of honor.
Gift
Typically a couple getting married will register at a couple of places and you can simply find their names, then choose a gift to buy for them. They will let guests know where they are registered, perhaps on the invitation or “save the date” card sent before the invitations.
You can either send the gift to them ahead of time in the mail, or bring it to the wedding. Either is equally as acceptable.
The Event
Attire (what to wear): If the invitation indicates the type of attire, you can do an internet search for examples of outfits for the type indicated. If the invitation does not indicate attire, simply dress somewhat nice. I have found at every wedding I have attended there is a wide range of fanciness. To a large degree, it depends on each guests’ style and preferences.
Arrival: This is by far the most nerve-wracking part of any event, including a wedding. Hopefully you will see other guests walking in and can follow them, there are signs showing you, or it is obvious because you pull right up to where the ceremony will take place. The last option is most common if it is at a church. Sometimes however, weddings are on a beach or unseen area of a large property and this is when you hope for other guests or signs.
As you walk into a venue, just look around to see what everyone else is doing. There is a great deal of variability when it comes to weddings. Some will begin with mingling before the ceremony, some will start with the ceremony at one location then move to another for a reception.
Seating
For the ceremony, you’ll be able to sit anywhere. At some weddings there is a designation of which side to sit on based on which person getting married you are family/friend of. Whether there is a designation or not, it really does not matter which side you sit on. If you are unsure, just sit anywhere except the first or second row. These two rows are usually for the immediate family. If you are there as immediate family, your family will have shown you where to sit and it may be in one of those two rows.
If you are eating a meal at the reception, seating can be uncomfortable. Just know most people are a little uncomfortable when first finding a seat and as they are first easing into sitting with strangers and/or people they have not seen in a while.
Meal
Some weddings have assigned seating for lunch/dinner and some do not. When there is assigned seating, just find your name card and have a seat. Sometimes the cards are all on a table. In this case, you find your name then find your table accordingly and pick a seat at that table.
When there is not assigned seating, it is up to you to find a seat. This can be stressful if you do not know people at the wedding. Do not let it freak you out though, people will never say you cannot sit with them, and usually people like meeting someone new.
How do I know if a seat is taken?
If you said something like “there is a personal item on the chair or on the plate” you are correct!
There’s no perfect way to act. The great news is, you were invited because the couple getting married wants you there! Keep that in mind throughout the event, as any insecurities start to pop up. So go ahead, you be you.
Use your manners! Within the idea that everyone should be allowed to be themselves, it is also important to use basic manners. Of course there are the typical “please and thank you,” but there are a few more that are not quite as obvious.
Lunch/Dinner:
Buffet: Wait until the wedding party is served before you get in line
Plated (they bring it to your table): Wait until your whole table is served before starting
If you don’t like the food, don’t mention it. Just eat what you like.
If there is something shared on the table (e.g., a basket of bread), only take your share.
When it comes to knowing which silverware, glassware, etc. is yours, simply watch what others are taking then act accordingly if you are unsure.
Bar: If you are 21 or older and enjoy alcoholic beverages, there are a few details to know about the bar at weddings. There are different terms for types of service chosen by the hosts (of course you can always do an internet search if you forget what each means). Regardless of which type of bar is chosen, be sure to tip the bartenders! One or two dollars each drink is appropriate.
No Host Bar: Guests pay for their own drinks
Hosted Bar: Drinks are free. Sometimes the wedding party will designate types of drinks being served. For example, they may have a list of 5 drinks to choose from.
Open Bar: All drinks are free. Depending on the location of the wedding, there may be limited types of alcohol and they will tell you what they have.
Cash Bar: Just as it sounds, you pay for your drinks. Doesn’t have to be cash most places, can use a card too.
Limited: Drinks are paid for within a certain time frame. For example, for one hour between the ceremony and reception drinks are served to guests for free.
DON’T DRINK TOO MUCH. It is difficult to monitor consumption when you are nervous, or if you are really excited to see family and/or friends, the drinks are free (and usually delicious), you’ve looked forward to this event for a while…the list goes on. You will thank yourself the next day if you drink responsibly. You will feel physically healthier, and you will have peace of mind that you were in control.
Dancing
If you enjoy dancing, dance. If you do not enjoy dancing, don’t dance. The great thing at a wedding is that it is perfectly acceptable and expected to do either one. Some people even enjoy standing outside the dance floor and watching people dance. For slow songs, weddings are not like awkward school dances. Typically the people who dance to the slow songs are married couples, fathers and daughters, or other people who know each other well. There is no pressure to ask someone to dance and very unlikely anyone with formally ask you to dance.
Have Fun!
Make sure to remember that this is one of the most important days in this couple’s life. They have planned a special celebration not only for themselves, but for their friends and family too. Enjoy yourself!
Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!
